Author: bromer

2020 Anecdotes, Anecdotes

2020 Anecdote #10

bromer

I’m going to start off plain and clear, because this is the source of my mental health challenges. I have a terrible mood disorder. Anything less than 6 hours of sleep throws me off such that my mind literally cannot stop thinking even though I am exhausted, and I have depressive thoughts that could compel me to jump off a cliff (literally). At the same time, when I have slept, I have an inordinate amount of energy. I can coordinate plans with 20 people/groups at the same time, sit in front of my computer for 7 hours finishing a project, which my advisors sometimes find incredulous. I am tutoring and reading and cooking and running and keeping a meticulous home and spending quality time with my husband, and… not stopping.

By default, my brain decides it wants to live in extremes. This is not amenable to life. Needless to say, the mysterious, intangible qualities of quarantining just 10x all of my struggles. It sucked, and still sucks sometimes, but I don’t give up.

And neither does a village of support behind me, which truly, I am extremely blessed to have. They are the reason I am stable and whole as a person. I have an amazing therapist and psychiatrist, and I do additional talk therapy. For those who count the number of hours per week, my self care is a total of 2.5 hours/week, and 4.5-5.5 hours/week if I’m not too lazy to work out, with 6/7 hours of sleep every night. I used to say “I don’t have time for all this”, but when I objectively looked at the numbers, I realized that those 2-5.5 hours were the same as me mindlessly wasting my time. And those hours have, and continue to add immense value to my life.

Finally, I have friends, family, and in-laws who give me unwavering love and support. They, and my disciplined efforts, are the reason I find hope in myself and the situations I find myself in. I cannot tell you how much I wish every struggling person could have what I do. Please, look for and take advantage of the resources Princeton offers, because Princeton makes it more possible to create this network of support for you than most other places. I acknowledge that the resources I have are a privilege. And I am just too lucky to be as loved as I am. I hope you have that too. It’s actually not a mushy concept that love goes a long way.

I am stressed and so are you. But I’m not alone and neither are you. With the right kinds of support, and empathy, we can overcome our struggles one by one in the time it’ll take. Let’s remember that as individuals and a community, because…we got this!”

2020 Anecdotes, Anecdotes

2020 Anecdote #9

bromer

“The pandemic has taken a significant toll on my mental health. I don’t think I am an alcoholic, but I am worried that I’m approaching dangerous territory with my pandemic-induced drinking habits. It seemed normal at first to have a glass of wine in the evening to decompress, but this has become a habit. I’ve been experiencing a lot of insomnia and am growing to depend on alcohol just to calm down my racing thoughts enough to fall asleep at night. I used to enjoy social drinking with my friends a lot, and I have always been a drinker. But now I use it more than ever before as a way to escape from the reality of my life. I’m routinely waking up with a hangover, feeling groggy and in a mental fog, which only compounds my anxiety surrounding my stunted research and my fears regarding bleak job prospects. It’s a difficult pattern to break out of, but I’m trying to replace alcohol with other self-care routines in the evenings including skin-care regimens, meditation, and calming herbal tea.”

2020 Anecdotes, Anecdotes

2020 Anecdote #8

bromer

”I feel gaslit by everyone talking about how ‘passionate’ they are about their research, as if there is something wrong with me, and I am supposed to enjoy working 14 hours a day every day. For me, grad school has been a truly miserable experience. I’m tired of constantly having to put on a happy face for Zoom meetings and pretend that I enjoy the day-to-day drudgery and monotony of my lab work. I’m chronically sleep deprived, have no control over my own schedule, and am constantly pushing myself to my limits every day to meet expectations. But still it is never enough for my advisor. Dealing with daily unpleasant interactions with my group and navigating toxic lab culture and politics makes the experience even worse. But what’s truly infuriating is that others all seem to have ‘drank the Kool-Aid,’ waxing poetic about how dedicated they are to their research. I might be studying the most interesting topic ever, but it makes no difference when the day-to-day is such a mind numbing, miserable slog.

As children, we are taught that if we work hard, we will be ‘successful’ and our lives will be happier and easier since we’ll have better career prospects. Yet the rate of depression in graduate school suggests otherwise. In the midst of the global pandemic, economic downturn, and budget cuts, job prospects look grim both within and outside of academia. I’m afraid that I’ve wasted so much time being miserable in the present to invest in some imagined rosy future that may never materialize. If I’m not happy now, how can I expect to be happy in 5 years?

I think it’s unrealistic to expect to truly feel fulfilled and energized just from work alone. Fulfillment comes from multiple sources of which work is just one. For me, family is a much greater source of joy in my life. It irks me so much when people spout frustrating platitudes like ‘if you enjoy your job, you’ll never work a day in your life!’ All jobs have fulfilling aspects and unpleasant aspects, but at the end of the day I’d rather be on vacation enjoying the company of my loved ones. I hate that this makes me a ‘heretic’ within academia. Surely, others must feel like I do, so why are we all buying into the mass hysteria that is academic culture?”

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Week 3 Updates

bromer

TL;DR: week three at a glance, PDAR, caring for the stressed out body and mind, work-life balance panel, supporting a friend when concerned about substance use, art workshop, navigating relationships, graduate mental health survey, imposter syndrome survey, manic monologues

If you haven’t already, join the GSG Slack, an open forum with over 1200 graduate students. Also, follow us on Twitter!

I. Week 3 Events

[gview height=1150px file=”https://mentalhealth.princeton.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/698/2020/11/week3.pdf”]

II. Princeton Distress Awareness & Response (PDAR) Training | TOMORROW, Monday, November 16th at noon EST

Become a PDAR partner! Princeton Distress Awareness and Response (PDAR) is an interactive session designed to educate participants on the signs and symptoms to watch out for in students and others who may be in distress and to arm participants with the tools needed to effectively respond. Join via Zoom on Monday, 11/6 at 12pm EST here: https://princeton.zoom.us/j/99353631784 

III. Caring for the Stressed-Out Body, Mind and Community | Tuesday, November 17th at 10am EST

Feeling a lot of stress these days? You’re not alone. Join other graduate students and CPS counselors Drs. David Campbell and Joe Cooper on Tuesday, 11/17 at 10am for a discussion about the effects of stress on our minds, bodies and connections to others, and ways to offer care to ourselves and others. We will offer strategies, including mindfulness and meditation practices, to discharge some of the noxious effects of stress, while talking about how to address the sources of stress from a place of feeling centered and supported. Register here. 

IV. Work-Life Balance in Graduate School | Tuesday, November 17th at 6:30pm EST

Join us on Tuesday, 11/17 at 6:30pm for panel discussion on fostering work-life balance in graduate school, especially in the midst of a global pandemic. Register here. 
Panelists:

  • Sarah Marie Bruno, graduate student in Physics
  • Brooke Hull, graduate student in Molecular Biology
  • Hilary Herbold, Ph.D., LCSW
  • Prof. Ned Wingreen, Physics
  • Prof. Mona Singh, Computer Science

V. Supporting a friend when you’re concerned about their substance use| Wednesday, November 18th at 2pm EST

Graduate students’ mental health has been affected by the pandemic. For some, this takes the form of pandemic-induced drinking habits and/or other substance use. Concerned about how you can support a friend? Join us for this workshop on offering support to peers. This event is led by UMatter as a follow up to Monday’s PDAR training. Join us on Wednesday, 11/18 at 2pm via Zoom here: https://princeton.zoom.us/j/92745198969

VI. Art Connects to Wellbeing: Interactive Art Workshop | Thursday, November 19th at 4:30pm EST

Join us on Thursday, 11/19 at 4:30pm for an interactive art workshop on Zoom led by interdisciplinary artist, Chanika Svetvilas. This workshop invites those impacted by mental health difference whether personally or by friends and family to create art that explores the experience of stigma and methods of support. Register here. 

VII. Navigating Relationships: Conflicts, Community Building and Communication in Graduate School | Friday, November 20th at 12pm EST

Please join Jess Joseph (she/they), from CPS and TigerWell, as they hold space for graduate students to discuss difficulties in community building, ahving conflict, and communicating during COVID-19. Jess will discuss strategies and skills aimed at helping students identify needs and boundaries as well as determine how/if to communicate those needs and boundaries to others. Jess will also discuss some possible ways to navigate socializing, intimacy and loneliness. Please email Jess to RSVP, and she’ll send you a Zoom link. Please also feel free to eemail if you have any questions: jj31@princeton.edu. This workshop is open to all graduate students. 

 VIII. Graduate Mental Health Survey

Check your email for a message about a 15 minute survey on Graduate Student Mental Health (subject: Longitudinal Research on Graduate Student Stressors). This is part of a project run by Princeton graduate students, including GSG Psychology representative, Abby Novick. The goal of the survey is to better understand graduate student mental health at Princeton, especially in response to new coronavirus stressors, in order to design better targeted mental health interventions. There will be a presentation on last year’s results on Tuesday, 11/24 at 3pm: https://princeton.zoom.us/j/3756770759

IX. Imposter Syndrome Survey 

The Graduate Peer Coaching Program (McGraw Center for Teaching and Learning) has put together a survey related to imposter syndrome. GPCP is a group of graduate students interested in bringing together other graduate students to talk about issues of belonging, isolation, and imposter syndrome, among other topics. If any of this resonates with you, please fill out the survey here and add your email to participate in future events and workshops. 

X. The Manic Monologues | Call for Personal Short Stories by 11/18

McCarter Theatre’s The Manic Monologues, a virtual theater project directed by Princeton University Professor Elena Araoz, and designed to ignite conversation and disrupt stigma around mental illness – is seeking confidential personal short-story submissions from Princeton undergraduate and graduate students, about your experience with mental health struggles. See the attached PDF for more information.

From the student submissions, we will select a few stories that will be incorporated into an existing set of monologues, to be performed by actors, as part of a unique virtual experience, released in February 2021.  Entries are submitted through an anonymous submission form.  

  • Stories should feel like they are being casually spoken aloud to someone since they will be performed by professional actors as off-the-cuff personal monologues; no “polished” essays or academic papers, please. Monologues should be 1-5 min max in length (when read aloud).
  • Stories can be about the struggle of facing mental illness or diagnosis, overcoming stigma, finding resilience, learning to live with mental illness, etc – there are no limitations to the type of content. We are especially interested in stories from students navigating through 2020’s complexities such as the COVID-19 pandemic, working inside activist movements such as Black Lives Matter, or concerns over immigration. 
  • Stories that are not chosen to be performed by actors, may still be featured in the project – in a dedicated “reading room” section of the interactive web experience, which chronicles written stories for audiences to access.
  • By submitting, you give the creators artistic freedom to modify the length and style as needed, for the purposes of filming and the virtual platform. 
  • To find out if your story is featured, go to www.mccarter.org as of December 1st, 2020 to find updates and information on the project launch date (February 2021.)

DEADLINE for Anonymous Submissions: November 18. 

Link to Submit: https://airtable.com/shrUBr5RRPEh9G0jc

Help us break down the stigma around mental illness by sharing your stories.  

If you are in need of mental health treatment, please contact CPS at 609-258-3141.

MORE INFO about THE MANIC MONOLOGUES Virtual Theater Project:  Project Overview

Questions about submissions, contact: earaoz@princeton.edu 

2020 Anecdotes, Anecdotes

2020 Anecdote #7

bromer

”I recently learned about how autism manifests in girls differently than in boys, which leads to a lot of women with autism never getting diagnosed. This is because women are often more able to appear ‘high functioning’ due to increased ability to ‘mask’ symptoms. Reading about this felt like looking into a mirror. I don’t have a diagnosis, but it would certainly explain a lot about my experiences throughout my life. I strongly suspect that I am on the spectrum. I am so happy that Princeton has a new neurodiversity identity group, PUNC. I think there is still a lot of work to be done in higher ed to break down stigma against folks who identify as neurodiverse! ‘High functioning’ doesn’t mean we’re not suffering or that our condition doesn’t have a huge impact on our day-to-day life, even if it is not outwardly apparent.”

2020 Anecdotes, Anecdotes

2020 Anecdote #6

bromer

”I’m having difficulties communicating effectively with my advisor. As grad students, our advisors have a tremendous amount of power over our futures. My advisor has made some *ambiguous* comments about my work recently that make me concerned they won’t write strong letters of recommendation for me in the future. I’m not sure if it’s just my advisor being socially awkward or if this is something I should worry about. I find it difficult to ‘read’ what my advisor is thinking. Not knowing whether I have their approval is a constant source of stress. Expectations are unclear to say the least. I’m trying to avoid ‘outsourcing’ my sense of self-worth and to instead derive personal validation from my own internal sense of accomplishment. But the power dynamic makes this difficult.”

2020 Anecdotes, Anecdotes

2020 Anecdote #5

bromer

 ”I suffered from OCD for a while before getting psychiatric help. Amazing results from cognitive behavioral therapy. Two books that helped greatly: (1) Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder? A Psychiatrist Explores the Role of Faith in Treatment, by Dr. Ian Osborn. (I was encouraged to learn that Martin Luther, among other major Christian figures, had OCD and found faith therapeutic). And (2) Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz. I thank God for my healing. I am grateful to psychiatry and modern medicine, but above all I am grateful to Jesus my ultimate healer. ‘He bore our sicknesses and carried our pains’ (Isaiah 53:4). If you are being suffocated by obsessive thoughts, get help!”

2020 Anecdotes, Anecdotes

2020 Anecdote #4

bromer

“My spouse and I have been discussing our plans to have children. While I am excited and even overjoyed at the idea of growing our family in the near future, I am also terrified. I know that parents are experiencing additional difficulties during the pandemic without access to child care. I am already overwhelmed by grad school and can’t imagine how I could make progress on my dissertation with a child at home. Even if I did reliably have access to child care, it is extremely expensive.  Without knowing how long the pandemic will last and where I might be headed after graduate school, it’s impossible to plan for the future. I’m also anxious thinking about what the world might look like for my future children. But I’m also worried that there will always be reasons to put off having kids, and I don’t want to wait too long.”

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Week 2 Updates

bromer
  1. Announcement from the Graduate Peer Coaching Program: Hi Everyone! We are a group of graduate students in the Graduate Peer Coaching Program through McGraw and we’re interested in bringing together other graduate students to talk about issues of belonging, isolation, and imposter syndrome among other topics. If any of this resonates with you, please fill out the survey and add your email to participate in future events and workshops. Thanks!  Link to survey here: https://princetonsurvey.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3dDrrHWSwM4veLj
  2. MANIC MONOLOGUES: Personal Short-Story Open-Call  McCarter Theatre’s The Manic Monologues, a virtual theater project directed by Princeton University Professor Elena Araoz, and designed to ignite conversation and disrupt stigma around mental illness – is seeking confidential personal short-story submissions from Princeton undergraduate and graduate students, about your experience with mental health struggles.
    From the student submissions, we will select a few stories that will be incorporated into an existing set of monologues, to be performed by actors, as part of a unique virtual experience, released in February 2021.  Entries are submitted through an anonymous submission form.   
    • Stories should feel like they are being casually spoken aloud to someone since they will be performed by professional actors as off-the-cuff personal monologues; no “polished” essays or academic papers, please. Monologues should be 1-5 min max in length (when read aloud).
    • Stories can be about the struggle of facing mental illness or diagnosis, overcoming stigma, finding resilience, learning to live with mental illness, etc – there are no limitations to the type of content. We are especially interested in stories from students navigating through 2020’s complexities such as the COVID-19 pandemic, working inside activist movements such as Black Lives Matter, or concerns over immigration. 
    • Stories that are not chosen to be performed by actors, may still be featured in the project – in a dedicated “reading room” section of the interactive web experience, which chronicles written stories for audiences to access.
    • By submitting, you give the creators artistic freedom to modify the length and style as needed, for the purposes of filming and the virtual platform. 
    • To find out if your story is featured, go to www.mccarter.org as of December 1st, 2020 to find updates and information on the project launch date (February 2021.)
       DEADLINE for Anonymous Submissions: November 18. Link to Submit: https://airtable.com/shrUBr5RRPEh9G0jc Help us break down the stigma around mental illness by sharing your stories.  If you are in need of mental health treatment, please contact CPS at 609-258-3141. MORE INFO about THE MANIC MONOLOGUES Virtual Theater Project:  Project Overview Questions about submissions, contact: earaoz@princeton.edu