Many people seem to think that everyone at places like Princeton suffers from impostor syndrome and that feelings of intellectual inadequacy are always the problem. This is not true; some of us have no doubts about whether we belong because we are minorities, and there is no one else like us in eyesight on campus to do what we do and say what we know. The problem is that it can be extremely alienating to be a minority on campus, and even more so in supposedly liberal contexts that advertise inclusiveness but refuse to make any of the changes necessary to make the space truly accessible to different kinds of people. For my own part, it is a big problem that I have had to work so hard to create a space for gender-nonconforming and nonbinary students on campus. I’ve never in my life had a teacher or professor who is nonbinary like me, or any other such role-model. I used to think that was because I was the only one, but now I see that people like me have always existed and have just been driven underground by a widespread and deeply entrenched discomfort with challenges to the gender-binary. I constantly have to explain and re-explain my gender to my own professors, and face the humiliation of being misgendered (often in front of a class) on a regular basis. Perhaps even worse is the conversation I’ve had more times than I can count in which I’m told not to let this distract me from my school work, or that identity isn’t relevant to scholarship and needn’t come up in classes. Others seem to think scholars like me are all naturally gender scholars and that it’s therefore only necessary to talk about identity and politics in a class about gender or race. What would make it easier to thrive on campuses for many minorities is for it to be understood that no material is apolitical, and that every discipline and field must be actively made accessible to all kinds of scholars. I don’t just want to see people like me teaching gender studies, but all fields. It brings great joy and relief from loneliness and depression to do what small things I can to bring these visions into reality; but I can’t deny the pain I feel at every roadblock. It’s been a long haul, and there seems to be little understanding on campuses of just how much long-term, low-grade alienation can degrade a human being and scholar.
Anecdote #20
