2019 Anecdotes

Many people seem to think that everyone at places like Princeton suffers from impostor syndrome and that feelings of intellectual inadequacy are always the problem. This is not true; some of us have no doubts about whether we belong because we are minorities, and there is no one else like us in eyesight on campus… Continue reading Anecdote #20

Depression crept up slowly during my time in graduate school. I used to think I was, paradoxically, both one of the angriest and one of the happiest people I knew, a sense of purposeful outrage and moral disgruntlement being (I thought) the flipside of the coin of joyful energy and vitality. Over time, and thanks… Continue reading Anecdote #19

I have OCD. My help and healing are from my religion. I believe God has forgiven all my sins through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. He has given me new life and peace that surpasses understanding. He puts everything in perspective and further heals my mind every day. Without Him (and the loving, steadfast,… Continue reading Anecdote #18

There are times that I feel such overwhelming stress and fear and obligation and hopelessness pushing down on me that I can’t leave my apartment. There are days that I feel such mounting anxiety with every step towards my office that I feel like I’m choking and have to turn around. There are the panic… Continue reading Anecdote #17

I often feel like I don’t belong in Princeton. Everyone in my department seems to be very excited and passionate about their research. They live and breathe the subject and enjoy discussing their work and new papers in the field over dinner and at parties. I find this exhausting. I like to compartmentalize work into… Continue reading Anecdote #16

Although not particularly socially awkward, I often feel very embarrassed after an encounter with acquaintances/friends/professors. I can often identify what I did wrong during the encounter (e.g. talking too much, not being considerate enough, not making a smooth enough conversation transition, messing up details when hosting guests, messing up something on the board during a… Continue reading Anecdote #15

The night before Generals, I was surrounded by all my study materials, and I felt so unprepared.  I just lay on the floor and cried until I fell asleep. I went on to pass by the skin of my teeth. It took me a while to summon up the courage, but I went to Princeton… Continue reading Anecdote #14

In undergrad, my lab had a fantastic post-doc who made everyone (including the undergrads!) feel like valued members of the group. He not only organized the group to get work done efficiently, but also created a warm and friendly social atmosphere with regular group lunches/dinners and just a general sense of belonging and family. The… Continue reading Anecdote #13

Towards the end of my first year of graduate school, I tried to commit suicide due to isolation from friends, the loss of a support network, and the pressure of ‘not good enough’. Ultimately, what helped was finally being on the proper medication. Just like any physical illness, being on the correct medication is important.… Continue reading Anecdote #12

In my second and third year of graduate school, my research was under a tight bottleneck. Together with other stress both in academic and in life, it made me lose 10 pounds in 3 months, face interpersonal issues, and led to suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough support at that time. Questions from people… Continue reading Anecdote #11

Yes. Parenting is SO hard. Princeton does not do enough to support parents, who are juggling being a graduate student and parent. We need AFFORDABLE on-campus daycare and a much bigger childcare allowance. The new graduate student college should have ON SITE daycare. I should not have to own a car to bring my child… Continue reading Anecdote #10

In my department, I have my usual morning routine. I post the day’s meeting schedule; refill the coffee dispensers; distribute the mail; answer my emails; review my calendar and prepare for the day’s tasks as a faculty assistant. On a particular Monday afternoon, my usual weekly meeting with my department manager runs slightly overtime and… Continue reading Anecdote #9

I was so stressed that I couldn’t do anything anymore except for lying on my bed. Seeing someone at CPS improved my condition very quickly.

When I first started the program, I felt excited – but soon became discouraged by the constant need to shape and reshape my project as it was only getting underway. There was a lot of guesswork, a lot of adjustments, and no path taken seemed correct. I felt like I didn’t know anything, didn’t belong,… Continue reading Anecdote #7

It’s hard to figure out what kind of relationship I am supposed to have with my classmates. We’re sort of like co-workers but it also feels like we’re expected to be friends. When I first got to my program, I felt like a black sheep. All of my classmates seemed to be from the same… Continue reading Anecdote #6

My roommate seems to have a very exploitative advisor, who won’t let his students take a break from working, even on weekends. She got depressed over her years at Princeton and has been seeing counselors for a few years. I’m trying to be a very supportive and caring roommate but I don’t think that is… Continue reading Anecdote #5

Positive affirmation and validation from peers and advisors for several years now has been a source of heightened anxiety and depression. This has largely occurred since this positive reinforcement and encouragement has been reconfigured from a source of comfort and guidance to being seen by me as a new level of expectations that people have… Continue reading Anecdote #4

I have PTSD as a result of an abusive childhood, and grad school has in many ways exacerbated the symptoms that I experience on a daily basis. Just a while ago, a professor behaved in an unnecessarily aggressive and dismissive manner towards me, and made me feel publicly humiliated. While other students would also find… Continue reading Anecdote #3

A huge anxiety of mine is public speaking, which my program requires a lot of. At its worst, I would be completely wracked with anxiety before a presentation — I couldn’t sleep the night before, worked myself up to the point of extreme nausea the morning of, and in the hours/moments before a talk, my… Continue reading Anecdote #2

My biggest stressor in grad school has been a communication issue with a mentor figure, which has resulted in roadblocks in my research progress and general feelings of non-belonging in my program. On bad days, of which there were many, this translated to rumination spirals that lasted several hours and almost always ended in crying… Continue reading Anecdote #1