My dad passed away a few months ago. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to see him in the year and a half before he died, because I didn’t want to risk flying home and spreading COVID to him while he was already ill. The fact that I hadn’t seen him in so long, and during his decline, makes his death feel like it’s not real. I feel that if I had seen him regularly in the last year and a half of his life, my brain would have been better able to process the fact that he was dying, because I would have seen his disease unfold, and his sudden absence now would feel a lot different if I had been used to seeing him regularly over the last couple years.
I don’t know if I can call myself resilient — this is going to be a long process, and it remains to be seen whether I’ll “bounce back” at the end of this. However, a lot of people in my life have definitely helped me more than I can say. Close friends of mine, including one I met at Princeton, attended the funeral with me. My colleagues took all my meetings on my behalf while I was taking care of funeral and other arrangements. Having people show up for me when I’ve needed them — often without even having to ask them — has made me feel supported and held up while dealing with all this.
