I’ve been getting increasingly frustrated with myself for my lack of progress in my research. I’m feeling a great deal of (self-imposed) pressure to get lots of work done in this time since I’m never going to have this much “free time” ever again. Under normal circumstances, my research is all in-lab work, so in theory, I have tons of time now to work on some of my side projects that I never had time for pre-quarantine. However, what I’ve found is that despite not going into the lab every day, I somehow don’t actually have more free time. My days are almost entirely eaten up by endless Zoom meetings and a constant onslaught of emails. Despite never leaving my apartment, I am more exhausted than ever. I’m finding it difficult to focus and get work done in the scattered hours between Zoom meetings. I have this panicked feeling that all this time is passing me by, and I’ll emerge from this period of isolation with no substantial progress in my work.
There is also a perception now that it is not acceptable to take time off. There is no longer a boundary between work and home, and there is a (mis)conception that everyone is available all the time for last-minute Zoom meetings, etc, since we’re “just at home not doing anything.” When all of my work can be done from my couch, it doesn’t feel reasonable to take a mental health day to rest and recover. I also no longer have the option of forcing myself to take a break by planning a weekend trip to visit friends or family. I constantly feel guilty for not working harder because I always feel at any given time that I *should* be working.
I know that this mindset is almost entirely self-imposed. I’m working on self-compassion and patience. I’m trying to applaud myself for whatever amount of work I am able to accomplish in a day instead of punishing myself for the work I wasn’t able to accomplish. I am terrible at making myself adhere to a consistent schedule, but it is something I’m trying to move towards. I know that sticking to a regular sleep schedule, eating at regular times, and structuring my time with “work hours” and “play hours” are key for mental health. It just takes a lot of willpower!
