A huge anxiety of mine is public speaking, which my program requires a lot of. At its worst, I would be completely wracked with anxiety before a presentation — I couldn’t sleep the night before, worked myself up to the point of extreme nausea the morning of, and in the hours/moments before a talk, my heart would pound so hard and fast that it was literally all I could hear. During the actual talk, I couldn’t control my voice, pacing, eye contact, or fidgeting. Worst of all, these extremely stressful experiences made me unable to enjoy the act of sharing research that I’m passionate about, or to be psychologically present while getting feedback and answering questions about it. Eventually I saw a psychiatrist and got prescribed medication (beta blockers), which help tremendously with the physiological symptoms of anxiety I would otherwise experience before a talk. No more pounding heart in my ears! I could actually slow down, engage with my audience, and have an enjoyable time presenting. This has been an absolute game-changer for me. After opening up about how much beta blockers have helped me, I’ve heard from others who also take them when they need to — including a very impressive professor who told me he takes beta blockers before high-stress presentations, even after being successful in the field for many, many years. Practice and exposure helps a lot and their importance can’t be under-stated, but I personally needed the extra help of medication, and I’m so relieved I was able to overcome my own internalized stigma to try something that has completely changed my relationship to public speaking.
