Although not particularly socially awkward, I often feel very embarrassed after an encounter with acquaintances/friends/professors. I can often identify what I did wrong during the encounter (e.g. talking too much, not being considerate enough, not making a smooth enough conversation transition, messing up details when hosting guests, messing up something on the board during a group meeting, feeling like I have become too comfortable with my prof and forgotten my manners, etc). I can spend hours agonizing over it.
For years my mind would fantasize over cutting myself as a punishment. Fortunately I care a lot about following social norms so I would head to the gym instead to experience pain in a socially acceptable manner (I find treadmill slightly faster than normal to be the most effective). I feel like going to the gym really does help improve my mood. It gets the stress out of my system and it is not dangerous. More importantly, my friends and my advisor have been very supportive to me, despite my many failings. I think the supportive environment has drastically reduced the level of stress and dread I experience when I do something incorrectly, knowing that even if people noticed they would probably forgive me. I have also learned to say “thank you for your advice” to my inner critical voice and take it as a helpful critique of areas I could improve on rather than an evaluation of my self worth. Overall, the situation has improved a lot since I came to Princeton, and I am very grateful for this.
